…and now I am watching porn.

Grumpy and I are both talking with a few people who are new to chastity on a certain fetish based social media site and thats certainly not uncommon. I am typically approached by men that are hoping I might accept their key at some point. However, when I find out they are new to chastity I always end up shifting the conversation to things like ‘Do you know what you want out of it?” “Here are some websites that have excellent resources”  Not that I am not still interested in seeing if we are compatible but more often than not, the only thing most of these guys know is what they have seen in porn and frankly if they are just looking to recreate that and not actually living it, well… they are wasting both of our time.  They don’t realize that there are so many variations on chastity that you can’t just offer a woman your key and hope you get your needs met. You have to talk about it a whole lot, but first you have to have some base understanding of the difference in fantasy vs reality and understand that your fantasy is never ever going to be realized exactly how you want it. Even if you paid someone and detailed exactly what you want, you’ve now ruined the fantasy for having to spell it out. So keep your fantasy, watch porn, don’t cum and don’t expect a key holder to be a mind reader too.

Grumpy and I talk about chastity every singe day. No, its not like we schedule to sit down and to discuss it after dinner or anything like that. In fact we very rarely make it a point to sit down a discuss it. Though, to be fair, I do make it a point to talk with him about his assignments shortly after they’ve ended. I like to give him a few days to process and then we discuss the changes that were made to it from the previous one and how we both felt about them. This is how we make certain that both of our needs are being met. Barring that, it’s really just normal casual conversation. We go from talking about work to “oh hey I had an idea for the next assignment”  easily. Why? Well because we have talked about it so much that it can be casual. We’ve long since gotten the awkward conversations out of the way and normalized it so much that we forget that maybe sitting in a busy restaurant is not the best time to bring up the really nice cage he found online or  what shoes I want him to wear during T&D. Even days when we don’t directly talk about it, there are little jokes. “I’m going to the store, are you coming” “Pfft, No, you won’t let me” we both giggle a bit a move on.

It took him more than a year to finally come to me and tell me he wanted to ramp up chastity. I had been wearing his key pretty much the whole time but I certainly didn’t consider myself a proper key holder. He still had access to his emergency keys and I don’t think he even knows where they are now . The following night I informed him of my rules and then we started discussing assignments. I don’t recall that we’ve had an awkward conversation about it since. He still watches his porn and maintains his fantasies ( I think) and if his needs were not being met, I am confident he would have told me.

So this is getting lengthy and I just realized there is a lot to talk about when when talking about talking about chastity. As for fantasy vs reality , I’ve come to realize that I no longer have fantasies about chastity. I suspect because my reality is meeting my needs so well, I just don’t need them anymore. Hell, at this point I don’t even recall what my fantasies were. Well hell, now I want to remember what they were, so now I am going to go watch some porn.