My Grumpys new assignment is entirely worked out in my head. However I am finding it hard to actually start it. I’ve started to type it out no less than 10x and abandon it each time. I am completely puzzled as to why though. I prefer he be in assignment more often than not. While the last assignment sucked, I can’t imagine the residual of that would still be causing me any hesitation.
Yesterday morning as I had just abandoned yet another attempt to get his assignment started, he appeared unusually early asking to take his cage off to adjust for a pinchy spot. Once he did so, he asked if he could leave it off for a while and I agreed. He has not been resting well lately and I had hoped he might be able to get a higher quality sleep for it. He was only without his cage for about 4 hours, but I found it oddly distracting. His cage stays on regardless of if he is in assignment or not. Typically only coming off for cleaning or I want it. The 4 hours he had cage free yesterday is likely the longest he has been cage free and his hands were not bound in a very long time. In that 4 hours I thought about his chastity to the point of distraction. I had even considered starting his assignment while he was out of his cage.
There are a few things going on that I think are holding me back from starting his assignment. His work schedule has altered. He’s not been resting very well at all, so he is tired more often than not. We’ve both recently had assorted ailments. Compounded with the fact that I feel out of sorts in our day to day life schedule. Its no secret that I prefer life to be neat, orderly and well planned and now that I look at it all typed out and what not, I am fairly sure the latter is at least 90% of my hesitation to start a new assignment. Feeling out of sorts with my day to day life schedule is making the thought of an assignment feel… risky? Daunting? After the last assignment being such a shit show, maybe I am concerned that being out of sorts raises the potential for a repeat. However now that I know the problem, correcting it should be easy. It won’t be, of course. I am particularly skilled at making things hard.
…. and I got these awesome new shoes!