…and now I am watching porn.

Grumpy and I are both talking with a few people who are new to chastity on a certain fetish based social media site and thats certainly not uncommon. I am typically approached by men that are hoping I might accept their key at some point. However, when I find out they are new to chastity I always end up shifting the conversation to things like ‘Do you know what you want out of it?” “Here are some websites that have excellent resources”  Not that I am not still interested in seeing if we are compatible but more often than not, the only thing most of these guys know is what they have seen in porn and frankly if they are just looking to recreate that and not actually living it, well… they are wasting both of our time.  They don’t realize that there are so many variations on chastity that you can’t just offer a woman your key and hope you get your needs met. You have to talk about it a whole lot, but first you have to have some base understanding of the difference in fantasy vs reality and understand that your fantasy is never ever going to be realized exactly how you want it. Even if you paid someone and detailed exactly what you want, you’ve now ruined the fantasy for having to spell it out. So keep your fantasy, watch porn, don’t cum and don’t expect a key holder to be a mind reader too.

Grumpy and I talk about chastity every singe day. No, its not like we schedule to sit down and to discuss it after dinner or anything like that. In fact we very rarely make it a point to sit down a discuss it. Though, to be fair, I do make it a point to talk with him about his assignments shortly after they’ve ended. I like to give him a few days to process and then we discuss the changes that were made to it from the previous one and how we both felt about them. This is how we make certain that both of our needs are being met. Barring that, it’s really just normal casual conversation. We go from talking about work to “oh hey I had an idea for the next assignment”  easily. Why? Well because we have talked about it so much that it can be casual. We’ve long since gotten the awkward conversations out of the way and normalized it so much that we forget that maybe sitting in a busy restaurant is not the best time to bring up the really nice cage he found online or  what shoes I want him to wear during T&D. Even days when we don’t directly talk about it, there are little jokes. “I’m going to the store, are you coming” “Pfft, No, you won’t let me” we both giggle a bit a move on.

It took him more than a year to finally come to me and tell me he wanted to ramp up chastity. I had been wearing his key pretty much the whole time but I certainly didn’t consider myself a proper key holder. He still had access to his emergency keys and I don’t think he even knows where they are now . The following night I informed him of my rules and then we started discussing assignments. I don’t recall that we’ve had an awkward conversation about it since. He still watches his porn and maintains his fantasies ( I think) and if his needs were not being met, I am confident he would have told me.

So this is getting lengthy and I just realized there is a lot to talk about when when talking about talking about chastity. As for fantasy vs reality , I’ve come to realize that I no longer have fantasies about chastity. I suspect because my reality is meeting my needs so well, I just don’t need them anymore. Hell, at this point I don’t even recall what my fantasies were. Well hell, now I want to remember what they were, so now I am going to go watch some porn.



No Milk for you!

Last night , there was some discussion about starting another chastity assignment. The last assignment was such a horrid fail, I am finding myself struggling to get us back on track again. Though I don’t think I expressed that as clearly as I wanted to when he and I talked. I went to bed shortly after we talked and woke up to a message from Grumpy that basically asked if we could wait on starting the next assignment until after we try prostate milking again.

During the last assignment he had asked if prostate milking was allowed while he was in assignment. My response was “For you, no.” Of the many strange  things the human body does, prostate milking may possibly be near the top of the list. For some men its the most mind blowing orgasm and others it is nothing at all. Some years ago I had two boys in chastity at the same time. SH1, got so much out of it  that it would drop him to his knees. This made me laugh, so of course I always did it with him standing. However, DB got nothing from it at all. He said it kind of felt like he just peed a little. So for him I did it as a means of keeping him healthy during long assignments while SH1 watched in undeniable envy. That also made me laugh, of course. For my Grumpy, while we’ve not tried much yet, I already know he is going to be the former, so while in assignment, no milk for you!

Grumpy and I have only been together a few years and yet I still find myself surprised by the things we haven’t done. Though to be fair, I am also surprised by some of the things we have done. He makes me proud on a regular basis. Prostate milking is one of the things that leaves me a bit surprised. More often than not, I am the first active keyholder for my boys. If they had had any experience with it at all, it was the ‘lock it and leave it’ kind ( which sucks! ). Because of that, I tend to let them set the pace. Grumpy has only had 3 real assignments , I am not counting the last one because it was absolute shit. However, prostate milking typically comes up long before we even start assignments. I think, at least in part that this hasn’t come up much is because he simply just doesn’t ask for things for himself. While changing my mindset in how I work with him might seem like the right answer to that issue, its not really. Not only does he not ask for anything for himself , I can’t think of a single occasion where I have brought something up and he has even hesitated with saying yes. He didn’t even blink before happily saying “Sure” when I brought up injecting saline into his scrotum. Really, I couldn’t be more proud to call this man mine.

Ah, I wandered off topic again. So, I think I’ve only tried with him caged and I’ve not met a man yet that can while wearing his cage. So, if you are reading this and happen to be a guy who can be milked while caged, let me know. I am now finding myself terribly curious if something about the cage prohibits milking or if I’ve simply not come by one yet.




Chastity is not always fun.

When I create a new chastity assignment  for Grumpy, I use a random number generator to determine how long it will last. This last assignment was a mere 23 days. LAME! To make it worse , he earned 4 days off of that. So this last assignment lasted only 19 days. I didn’t tell him how long the assignment was going to last and I could see the disappointment on him when I told him his assignment was over. I was just as disappointed.

Typically within about 24 hours of his assignment ending we play and I let him orgasm, unhindered. After this one, neither of us have pursued it, still 8 days after his assignment has ended. During this time, there has been no T&D. During our post assignment conversation we both agreed that this was the  most unfulfilling assignment ever.

We had to go out of town shortly after this assignment started ( which pauses assignments) and it normally takes him a few weeks to ‘get into it’ So he was barely settling into it when it ended. For me the whole thing was like awkward foreplay ending in bad sex.

One would think the answer would be to just start a new assignment and pick the number myself. However, its not as simple as all of that. I tend to let him have at least one orgasm between assignments. When we talked about this again a few days ago, he told me he doesn’t feel like he deserves one and well.. I agree. So at this point I guess I should figure out how to make him earn one so we can get past this stalemate and put this crappy assignment behind us.

I’ve said the words ‘Chastity is not always fun’ more times than I can count in the more than 20 years I’ve been doing this ( Holy crap! when did I get old? ). Though its rare I have to say it to myself. Okay, I am done mourning the loss of this assignment, time to move on!



My Grumpy and I love our long play sessions. Sadly, we’ve not been able to have them for a while now. What had been a fairy regular thing on Saturdays had come to a grinding halt with family obligations and assorted events. I don’t recall which of us brought it up to the other but we discussed it and decided that this past Saturday was going to be playday.

Historically after long play sessions we are both ravenous and it had been a while since we’d had a really nice meal at home so this seemed like a great time to do that. He went to the store to get ribeye, mushrooms , potatoes and craft beer while I made the play space ready and picked out the things I wanted him to wear. We lounged around for a little while , I got the potatoes started slow roasting and the bread dough made and  then got started. At this point I am not even going to bother trying to hold a timeline.

It was my intent to start slow. It had been so long since he’s had a good beating we both expected he was going to need a much longer warm up. We were both wrong. Though in retrospect, I wonder if I have just scarred his ass so much now that he can’t feel as much as he once did. I do recall tapping him with the cane and him saying “Hey, I thought we were going to start slow” I expect it was half joking if anything.

He spent about 7 hours total bound in assorted positions and while I am fond of them all I certainly walked away with a favorite. He was on his stomach, with a rope tied to the ring in the back of his hood that ran to the chain between his ankles and ended on his balls. Nothing was tied off so that meant he had to keep his head back and knees bent to avoid too much ball pulling. Later I added an additional restraint to pull his ankles to the sides of the bed as much as the chain would allow. I think next time that will be better on his thighs though.

Typically when we have longer play sessions like this, I wander off a fair bit leaving him bound. I do things like check on dinner, have a smoke, get a glass of wine and refill whatever I am keeping him  hydrated with at the time. I hardly wandered off at all this time. We played a fair bit before a dinner break and then played again after and he had the entirety of my attention though all of it.

I keep scissors in the bedside table for the times I am using rope. Safety first and all. On a whim I had decided to use them on him as a blade. I had done this only once before ( that was also on a whim) and he enjoyed it. He has asked me if it was a knife or scissors and I refused to tell him, mostly because it was fun not to do so. Then he says ” I think its a knife. Its a knife”  but said so in a nearly giddy tone that had me laughing.

There is so much more I could write about here but I will close with saying this. He never fails to impress me. I am so very proud of him.






Oh no, a reward!

So, Grumpy is pretty much in chastity all the time. However, I like to be hands on about it so I do Assignments . Outside of them, life is pretty day to day. We wake up, go to work, eat, clean, watch TV just like everyone else. The difference being he does so wearing a cage. Inside of assignment , things are a bit more strict. Yes, we still work , eat , clean and watch TV but now he has requirements to fill.

He recently came up with the idea of spinning a wheel on assignment. So I added it to this one. These are the options on the wheel.

  • Earn 6 hours
  • Add 12 hours
  • Cage Free T&D
  • No T&D
  • Earn 1 day
  • Add 3 days
  • Reward
  • Spin 2 more times

I wrote them to intentionally be Not in his favor. He is to spin the wheel once every three days , which coincides with inspection day.  He has spun twice now in this assignment and the first spin he earned one day. The second he won Reward. I set up Reward to be he can suggest what he would like his reward to be ( orgasming being completely out of the question) and I can approve or deny it. He was completely baffled and I expected as much. He has never been great at asking for things himself so while getting a Reward might seem on the surface to be a good thing, its kind of a double edged sword for him.

I put a fair bit of thought into what was going on the wheel and why. Knowing he was going to have a hard time coming up with something, I initially intended to not help him at all. However, I didn’t expect he was going to have as hard of a time with it as he did and I just can’t be that much of a bitch. So, I clarified for him that his reward could be anything he wanted and didn’t have to be related to chastity. He was required to come up with something by 11pm so he could log it and he was running out of time. I think that made it even harder on him.

I adhere to assignments strictly. Once in place they cannot be altered. It was technically not in the assignment ( as written ) that I would not help him but it was the intention. I just didn’t expect him to struggle so much and really didn’t want to see him lose his reward AND get punished for not logging it. So I told him he should just bank cage free T&D and maybe think of some other things in case this happens again.

My Grumpy wants for so little, so I rarely deny him of anything, except orgasms. I was hoping a Reward might make him think about the things he does like or are special. Though in retrospect, because he wants for so little and on the rare occasion he asks for something , I let him have it , this was going to be much more difficult than I expected.





This is Grumpys new assignment. He has been out of assignment for entirely too long.

  • This Assignment starts tonight at midnight. I am not going to tell you the hard set end date.
  • You will come to me and request T&D at least once in every 24 hours and those times run from midnight to midnight.
  • If T&D is denied when you request it, you are expected to request it again at a better time. Failure to do so will add 6 hours to your time.
  • You will come to me for cleaning and inspection every 3 days if you are wearing the SW cage and every 2 days if you are wearing the RC cage. Failure to do so will add 3 days to your time.
  • My initiation of T&D does not fulfill your responsibility to request it and will not earn you more time.
  • You can earn 6 hours  for requesting and getting T&D more than once in a 24 hour period.
  • You will be assigned tasks that will earn you time off.
  • You can earn time off for pleasing me. This is not limited to my sexual gratification.
  • You will log everything pertaining to chastity or this assignment daily. Failure to log within 12 hours will add 6 hours to your time.

He had a really great idea of adding The Wheel which I am pretty sure he is going to regret since I am implementing it this time. The wheel will be spun on inspection day… or if I  just decide I want spun. The sections on the wheel will be:

  • Earn 6 hours
  • Add 12 hours
  • Cage Free T&D
  • No T&D
  • Earn 1 day
  • Add 3 days
  • Reward
  • Spin 2 more times

If the wheel lands on Reward, he can suggest what he would like his reward to be. It does not have to be related to his chastity or assignment. I reserve the right to refuse suggestions and of course, time off will not even be considered.

Cage free T&D can be ‘banked’

No T&D will be for that day only.

Spin 2 more times will apply both spins to his assignment.

Life got a bit too lifelike there for a bit and then it seemed we fell into this odd weekday rut. Our longer weekend play sessions just kind of stopped happening due to other obligations for the most part. While assignments can get kind of rut-like, its still better than things have been.

As a end note: This post is how he will find out he is in assignment. Though I am fairly certain he knew it was coming soon.

Assignment Over

The last chastity assignment ended 2 weeks ago.  We had discussed it in advance and he successfully negotiated for daily T & D. I told him I was not going to show him the assignment  in advance and that I wasn’t going to tell him the end date. I used a random number generator to select the number of days. Towards the end , it was increasingly difficult not to edge him just a little too far. However, the upside to that was sufficient T & D for the day could be done in far less time.

The number generator had initially selected 87 and that just seemed to be too much. I asked again and it selected 49. With daily T & D , that was going to be tough so I gave him a few extra ways to earn time off. He earned 7 days and I am glad he did. It was getting to the point where a mere 10  minutes of T & D was almost too much. I tend to be rather merciless when it comes to T & D and found I was having to show some restraint to avoid accidents. I don’t think I care for that.

One thing I did add to this assignment that I think I will keep is he can earn time off for pleasing me. I don’t mean sexually, I mean he does something that makes me happy and I can give him time off. He earned time off for things like a really funny joke and taking my phone with him to the store so he could get the Poke stops for me. I know those seem like small things and that is exactly the point. I like being able to reward him for the little things since those are the things that touch me.  He is an especially considerate person to begin with and I don’t feel he was ‘trying’ to do things to get time off.

The day after his assignment ended he had asked me what the first number that I rejected was. When I told him, he said “Lets do that!” Neither of us are particularly emotive people , so I was impressed with the raw eagerness he showed. Every time I start to worry that I may be pushing him to fast or hard, he does something to show me that I worry with no cause.

Why chastity?

Some time ago I was asked “Why chastity? What is it about it that gets you going?” and I have  been mulling it over. The person who asked had no idea such a thing even existed prior to that conversation and was both confused and a bit horrified and I think I failed at properly explaining it at the time. None the less, the question stuck in the back of my head.

There are several layers to it for me really and I think thats why its taken me so long to pin it down. Sadism, romance, and control, in no particular order.

Sadism is traditionally defined as enjoyment from inflicting pain on others. When you say sadist , most people picture flogging, spanking and what not. For me , its a much broader scope. While I do very much enjoy the traditional definition  of sadism , consensual infliction of discomfort would be a better way to describe it for me.  Consensual is a must. Its no fun for me at all if they aren’t having fun too. The discomfort aspect could be damn near anything.  However, when it comes to chastity, it is absolutely the T&D. The squirming, the sounds, the pained look on their faces just make my little black heart giddy.

Grumpy and I are far from what anyone would call romantic. On the occasions where either of us inadvertently say something ‘sweet’ to the other, we tease about being a closet romantic. We don’t fawn over one another or gaze into each others eyes or send gooey messages declaring our unyielding love. I think its safe to say that we both find those things annoying and a bit immature. We show our affection to one another in different ways. He recently brought home 3 different kinds of gourmet olives for me. He does not like olives at all but knows that I love them. It was also clear that he put some thought into which ones he got. I find that far more romantic than some useless bauble or flowers. When it comes to chastity, I can’t think of anything that could be more romantic. It may sound like a generalization but I feel as though men define their manhood with their penis. So for me, there is no greater gesture of love than  “Will you control my penis?” When I am offered keys ( that I actually want) I get what I assume is the same feeling other women get when they are offered an engagement ring.

Its no secret I am a control freak and I put a lot of effort into controlling it which in a certain way feeds it. There are a few areas of my life where I let my control freak flag fly proudly though and if you have seen any of the Chastity Assignments I have come up with for Grumpy, its clear that this is one of those areas.

While I feel this goes without saying, chastity is just plain sexy as hell.

There are likely a few more facets to this but I think that really covers at least the basics. When I was originally asked ‘ Why’ I really had nothing to respond with. I think I told him something like “why do you like steak or sex or biking?”

In, other news. Grumpy does not know the end date of his current assignment and asked for the first time last night ” Am I at least half way? ” I knew he was going to ask eventually and I was expecting it far sooner than this. Of course I refused to tell him as that would defeat the purpose by giving him some sense of gauge on it. He playfully argued it which was pretty cute.

Yes, I asked… again.

Frequently, I ask Grumpy how he is doing in his assignment and  more often than not he gives me this slightly bewildered look like he is confused by why I would ask before responding with something like ” fine ” or “Okay”. This morning was no exception to that. Though I believe what he said was ” I’m good”.  I told him to let me know if he noticed that he was starting to become irrationally irritated and then made a mental note to check with him again in 5 or 6 days.

We are 26 days into this one and he has been enthusiastic about earning as much time off as he can with extra T&D. I won’t even pretend like I am going easy on him. No, T&D has been just shy of vicious. Most of the time I am not giving him more than a few seconds to compose himself between edgings and even then I am not totally hands off.  So, yes I am checking in on him more often. So far, yes has done just fine. It would be irresponsible of me to not check and not make him think how it could be effecting him.

Vanilla Affection?

I don’t tend to be the cuddly sort. However, there are a few exceptions to that. One of which is those semi-rare occasions where I find myself half asleep in the early morning being the ‘big spoon’ and my hand cradling Grumpy’s  balls and cage.  I am fully aware this happens nearly every night but when it is mornings like this morning it leads to snuggly T&D…. mmm snuggly.

If you have read any of my other blog posts you know that I tend to be the methodical type. I plan things. I come at life from a logical perspective. So, when I first wake, before my brain has a chance to tell me  the plan for the day, I get to just fall into it. I guess if we were the vanilla type , it would be the equivalent to ‘morning sex’.  These occasions make me feel stuff and now I am giving myself worry wrinkles trying to figure out what that those feelings are, none the less. I really enjoy them. My head is quiet and its just skin on skin, cozy affection. For me, its just as satisfying as having actually orgasmed. It’s different from that though, I don’t actually need to orgasm or even want to for that matter. Yes, for him its tease and denial , for me it’s getting to feel things like affection.