Freedom? Hmmm..

We just ended what was his longest Assignment to date. The assignment itself was 88 days though he did 144 days without a full orgasm. There were a few accidents during T&D but those don’t really count since they are pretty much ruined. All said, I couldn’t be more proud of him.

He stays in his cage even outside of assignment and there are some basic rules for that as well. Part of the cause of the accidents in the last assignment were because he is very sensitive now. He showered recently without his cage and commented that he was very aware of the hot water. Because of this sensitivity , I decided to lax the rule about staying in his cage all of the time. He is allowed to take it off here at home now. He is still not allowed to play with it. It is still very much my cock even outside of the cage. One might be wondering how I could enforce his chastity when he is allowed to be out of his cage all willy nilly like. Well, thats a simple answer. I trust him. Yes, its true… I trust him. He has given me no reason at all not to trust him and masturbating would not be worth breaking that trust. I also trust that if he did, he’d end up confessing.

Last night before his shower he asked if he has to have his cage off while at home. Without putting much thought into it I said no. However, now that I am thinking that through a bit more, leaving it on by his choice kind of defeats the purpose of that sensitivity issue. So, now I am reconsidering my stance on that. While during assignments, the rules cannot be changed. We are outside of one and I can be far more flexible. However after such a long assignment , that little bit of freedom might be nice for him. He did VERY well and has certainly eared a reward. I will ponder on it a bit further.

 

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Record breaking chastity

As of today he is 78 days into this chastity Assignment and while its had some rough patches, I have to say I am very proud of him. ‘Complaints’ have been limited to the occasional joke. He has not seriously complained about it at all.

I am also quite proud of his enthusiasm. We went fishing over the weekend and I knocked my phone in the lake. Entirely without hesitation or complaint he got in that frigging cold water that was about 8 feet deep and recovered my phone. I offered him two weeks off of his assignment and he didn’t want it. ” No, I want to do the duration”. I think he is proud of himself too.

Cage Free T&D is nearly impossible at this point.  Originally this was only going to be a 60 day assignment which would have still been a pretty long one and T&D gets a little iffy toward the end. I think the current release date is October 16th, The Wheel has not been kind to him on this assignment.

There is a hard set release date and he does not know what date that is. I told him about it the other night and he responded with ” Are you going to tell me” not asking when the date was , just asking if I was going to tell him when we hit it. I have every intention of telling him. However that kind of got me to thinking if I wanted to tell him just before I took his cage off or give him a few days notice. My thought behind maybe giving him a few days notice is so he can make peace with it. Eh.. we’ll see. I’ve still got plenty of time to decide.

 

 

Hey dumb ass!

I woke this morning before 5am feeling angry. I am not the type of person that wakes up feeling anything at all. I am also not the type of person that feels emotions strongly, so waking up angry is extremely odd for me. I laid there for a bit , trying to put it out of my head and attempting to get more sleep and gave up after about an hour.

I understand that most people have a feeling and immediately know why they are feeling it. I do not. Its taken me over an hour and a half to figure out why I woke up angry.  My Grumpy is in assignment and if you look at the past few weeks, its not going well. We went on this really great camping/kayaking trip and since we’ve gotten back, his assignment has been regularly flouted. Okay maybe flouted is a strong word here, but damnit , I am angry. While ‘life happens’ is a good reason to exempt him from T&D, its been happening a fuck ton lately. However, thats not why I am angry. I am not angry that he injured his ankle on our trip. I am not angry that he has been working a lot more lately. I am not angry that my plan to play all day with him last Sunday was thwarted. I am angry at me.

Three days in a row last week, he put on a collar. I didn’t lay it out for him, he chose to wear it. Along with being an emotional retard, I don’t take hints well either. Instead of recognizing that he was hinting that he didn’t need all of the coddling I was giving him due to his working 2 jobs and an injured ankle, my dumb ass asked him about it. He hasn’t put it on since.

Yesterday, he was off from both jobs. I work from home and while that gives me a lot of freedom, I can’t just walk away from my job. Circumstances occurred and I got off work early. Instead of taking his hand and leading him to the bedroom to tie him down and beat the hell out of him, I asked him if he wanted to do something. In my head, I was hoping he would suggested we play. He’d clearly been feeling ‘blah’ all day so I didn’t bring it up. Now I am thinking ” Hey dip shit! Maybe he was feeling ‘blah’ because your dumb ass won’t unwrap the fucking bubble wrap and step up”

I have loved many people in my life but I have never loved anyone like I do my Grumpy. I am not trying to get all mushy and shit here, but I think it has a lot to do with my desire to protect him, comfort him, and respect him. I believe the past few weeks, I have been so focused on his protection and comfort that I’ve failed to lead him. In my concern for his protection and comfort, I missed the signs from him that he neither needs or wants it. With his injury and working two jobs, I gave him a very long leash when he apparently didn’t want it.

He and I communicate on the big issues in such a way that a marriage councilor would use us as the perfect example. However, the small things… not so much. I have been sitting back, frustrated as hell waiting for him to be ready to get back to our life and he has been hinting at me that he is long since ready. If those hints were a snake, I’d long since be dead.

 

 

 

 

Owning it…..

This post is not related to chastity , BDSM, or Femdom. So if you read my blog, its okay to skip this one. Its all about shoes.

 

 

So, today like every Sunday I went to his work and drank wine and oogled his amazing ass while he hurried around serving bar patrons. The other staff are accustomed to me showing up and even look for me. I get frequent and highly uncomfortable complements from them often.  I make it a point to look nice when I go out and even more so when I am a patron at his work, I just feel like that is how  it should be done. Today, I wore what I consider a less than flattering dress and comfortable shoes. After yesterdays awesome playday I just felt like being comfortable.  Eh, otherwise I looked okay but I certainly wasn’t going all out.

Walking up, wearing wedges , I was cautions of rocks and what not, knowing that hitting a rock in the wrong part of my stride would send me falling like a sack of sand.  Apparently a few of his co-workers watched me walk up through the window and the first complemented my dress ( less than flattering) and another made the statement that  I walked up like a super model. I told Grumpy about it and he commented that when I walk like I “own it’ Like that there is some sort of confidence that goes with that. No, really… thats just how someone walks in heels. I wasn’t owning shit! In fact, I was feeling pretty lame for showing up there and looking like I did. Hell! I didn’t even have stockings on!

I have come to this conclusion , if you are wearing heels it forces your head up, your shoulders back and that makes you appear to exude confidence. I wasn’t owning shit! I was just trying to get my parcel and me safely to the intended targets. So, anyone out there, if you like heels and are less than personally confident, this is how you “own it”

 

 

 

 

 

Assignment

  • This assignment starts tonight at midnight,  July 16th and will end on September 15th. You will log a running tally of time added and earned with the new end date.
  • You will come to me and request T&D at least once in every 24 hours and those times run from midnight to midnight.
  • If T&D is denied when you request it, you are expected to request it again at a better time. Failure to do so will add 12 hours to your time.
  • You will come to me for cleaning and inspection every 3 days. Failure to do so will add 3 days to your time.
  • You can earn 6 hours  for requesting and getting T&D more than once in a 24 hour period. You are limited to earning 6 hours in a 24 hour period.
  • You will log everything pertaining to chastity or this assignment daily. Failure to log any event within 12 hours will add 12 hours to your time.
  • The wheel will be spun on inspection day and the sections on the wheel will be exactly as follows:
  • Earn 6 hours
  • Add 12 hours
  • Cage Free T&D
  • No T&D
  • Earn 1 day
  • Add 3 days
  • Please me
  • Spin 2 more times

Cage free T&D can be banked

No T&D will be for that day only and cannot be banked. Any T&D I decide to give will not earn you time off as extra. We aren’t going though this exempt shit again 😉

Please me is replacing Reward on the wheel since that didn’t go so well. Should you land on this, I will give you a task. You will log what your task was unless otherwise directed not to and failure to log will add 12 hours to your time.

 

All of the previously set standards will apply to this assignment. Those are, but not limited to:

Once an assignment begins it cannot be altered in any way.

Life happens.

All assignment requirements go on pause when we are on trips such as camping with others or visiting family or friends.

I will give you time off for good behavior.

I will add time for bad behavior.

Tease and Denial will be completely without mercy.

 

 

 

 

Knowledge and New Shoes

My Grumpys new assignment is entirely worked out in my head. However I am finding it hard to actually start it. I’ve started to type it out no less than 10x and abandon it each time. I am completely puzzled as to why though. I prefer he be in assignment more often than not. While the last assignment sucked, I can’t imagine the residual of that would still be causing me any hesitation.

Yesterday morning as I had just abandoned yet another attempt to get his assignment started, he appeared unusually early asking to take his cage off to adjust for a pinchy spot. Once he did so, he asked if he could leave it off for a while and I agreed.  He has not been resting well lately and I had hoped he might be able to get a higher quality sleep for it.  He was only without his cage for about 4 hours, but I found it oddly distracting. His cage stays on regardless of if he is in assignment or not. Typically only coming off for cleaning or I want it.  The 4 hours he had cage free yesterday is likely the longest he has been cage free and his hands were not bound in a very long time. In that 4 hours I  thought about his chastity to the point of distraction. I had even considered starting his assignment while he was out of his cage.

There are a few things going on that I think are holding me back from starting his assignment. His work schedule has altered. He’s not been resting very well at all, so he is tired more often than not. We’ve both recently had assorted ailments. Compounded with the fact that I feel out of sorts in our day to day life schedule. Its no secret that I prefer life to be neat, orderly and well planned and now that I look at it all typed out and what not, I am fairly sure the latter is at least 90% of my hesitation to start a new assignment. Feeling out of sorts with my day to day life schedule is making the thought of an assignment feel… risky? Daunting? After the last assignment being such a shit show, maybe I am concerned that being out of sorts raises the potential for a repeat. However now that I know the problem, correcting it should be easy. It won’t be, of course. I am particularly skilled at making things hard.

…. and I got these awesome new shoes!

 

 

 

…and now I am watching porn.

Grumpy and I are both talking with a few people who are new to chastity on a certain fetish based social media site and thats certainly not uncommon. I am typically approached by men that are hoping I might accept their key at some point. However, when I find out they are new to chastity I always end up shifting the conversation to things like ‘Do you know what you want out of it?” “Here are some websites that have excellent resources”  Not that I am not still interested in seeing if we are compatible but more often than not, the only thing most of these guys know is what they have seen in porn and frankly if they are just looking to recreate that and not actually living it, well… they are wasting both of our time.  They don’t realize that there are so many variations on chastity that you can’t just offer a woman your key and hope you get your needs met. You have to talk about it a whole lot, but first you have to have some base understanding of the difference in fantasy vs reality and understand that your fantasy is never ever going to be realized exactly how you want it. Even if you paid someone and detailed exactly what you want, you’ve now ruined the fantasy for having to spell it out. So keep your fantasy, watch porn, don’t cum and don’t expect a key holder to be a mind reader too.

Grumpy and I talk about chastity every singe day. No, its not like we schedule to sit down and to discuss it after dinner or anything like that. In fact we very rarely make it a point to sit down a discuss it. Though, to be fair, I do make it a point to talk with him about his assignments shortly after they’ve ended. I like to give him a few days to process and then we discuss the changes that were made to it from the previous one and how we both felt about them. This is how we make certain that both of our needs are being met. Barring that, it’s really just normal casual conversation. We go from talking about work to “oh hey I had an idea for the next assignment”  easily. Why? Well because we have talked about it so much that it can be casual. We’ve long since gotten the awkward conversations out of the way and normalized it so much that we forget that maybe sitting in a busy restaurant is not the best time to bring up the really nice cage he found online or  what shoes I want him to wear during T&D. Even days when we don’t directly talk about it, there are little jokes. “I’m going to the store, are you coming” “Pfft, No, you won’t let me” we both giggle a bit a move on.

It took him more than a year to finally come to me and tell me he wanted to ramp up chastity. I had been wearing his key pretty much the whole time but I certainly didn’t consider myself a proper key holder. He still had access to his emergency keys and I don’t think he even knows where they are now . The following night I informed him of my rules and then we started discussing assignments. I don’t recall that we’ve had an awkward conversation about it since. He still watches his porn and maintains his fantasies ( I think) and if his needs were not being met, I am confident he would have told me.

So this is getting lengthy and I just realized there is a lot to talk about when when talking about talking about chastity. As for fantasy vs reality , I’ve come to realize that I no longer have fantasies about chastity. I suspect because my reality is meeting my needs so well, I just don’t need them anymore. Hell, at this point I don’t even recall what my fantasies were. Well hell, now I want to remember what they were, so now I am going to go watch some porn.

 

 

No Milk for you!

Last night , there was some discussion about starting another chastity assignment. The last assignment was such a horrid fail, I am finding myself struggling to get us back on track again. Though I don’t think I expressed that as clearly as I wanted to when he and I talked. I went to bed shortly after we talked and woke up to a message from Grumpy that basically asked if we could wait on starting the next assignment until after we try prostate milking again.

During the last assignment he had asked if prostate milking was allowed while he was in assignment. My response was “For you, no.” Of the many strange  things the human body does, prostate milking may possibly be near the top of the list. For some men its the most mind blowing orgasm and others it is nothing at all. Some years ago I had two boys in chastity at the same time. SH1, got so much out of it  that it would drop him to his knees. This made me laugh, so of course I always did it with him standing. However, DB got nothing from it at all. He said it kind of felt like he just peed a little. So for him I did it as a means of keeping him healthy during long assignments while SH1 watched in undeniable envy. That also made me laugh, of course. For my Grumpy, while we’ve not tried much yet, I already know he is going to be the former, so while in assignment, no milk for you!

Grumpy and I have only been together a few years and yet I still find myself surprised by the things we haven’t done. Though to be fair, I am also surprised by some of the things we have done. He makes me proud on a regular basis. Prostate milking is one of the things that leaves me a bit surprised. More often than not, I am the first active keyholder for my boys. If they had had any experience with it at all, it was the ‘lock it and leave it’ kind ( which sucks! ). Because of that, I tend to let them set the pace. Grumpy has only had 3 real assignments , I am not counting the last one because it was absolute shit. However, prostate milking typically comes up long before we even start assignments. I think, at least in part that this hasn’t come up much is because he simply just doesn’t ask for things for himself. While changing my mindset in how I work with him might seem like the right answer to that issue, its not really. Not only does he not ask for anything for himself , I can’t think of a single occasion where I have brought something up and he has even hesitated with saying yes. He didn’t even blink before happily saying “Sure” when I brought up injecting saline into his scrotum. Really, I couldn’t be more proud to call this man mine.

Ah, I wandered off topic again. So, I think I’ve only tried with him caged and I’ve not met a man yet that can while wearing his cage. So, if you are reading this and happen to be a guy who can be milked while caged, let me know. I am now finding myself terribly curious if something about the cage prohibits milking or if I’ve simply not come by one yet.

 

 

 

Chastity is not always fun.

When I create a new chastity assignment  for Grumpy, I use a random number generator to determine how long it will last. This last assignment was a mere 23 days. LAME! To make it worse , he earned 4 days off of that. So this last assignment lasted only 19 days. I didn’t tell him how long the assignment was going to last and I could see the disappointment on him when I told him his assignment was over. I was just as disappointed.

Typically within about 24 hours of his assignment ending we play and I let him orgasm, unhindered. After this one, neither of us have pursued it, still 8 days after his assignment has ended. During this time, there has been no T&D. During our post assignment conversation we both agreed that this was the  most unfulfilling assignment ever.

We had to go out of town shortly after this assignment started ( which pauses assignments) and it normally takes him a few weeks to ‘get into it’ So he was barely settling into it when it ended. For me the whole thing was like awkward foreplay ending in bad sex.

One would think the answer would be to just start a new assignment and pick the number myself. However, its not as simple as all of that. I tend to let him have at least one orgasm between assignments. When we talked about this again a few days ago, he told me he doesn’t feel like he deserves one and well.. I agree. So at this point I guess I should figure out how to make him earn one so we can get past this stalemate and put this crappy assignment behind us.

I’ve said the words ‘Chastity is not always fun’ more times than I can count in the more than 20 years I’ve been doing this ( Holy crap! when did I get old? ). Though its rare I have to say it to myself. Okay, I am done mourning the loss of this assignment, time to move on!

 

Playday!

My Grumpy and I love our long play sessions. Sadly, we’ve not been able to have them for a while now. What had been a fairy regular thing on Saturdays had come to a grinding halt with family obligations and assorted events. I don’t recall which of us brought it up to the other but we discussed it and decided that this past Saturday was going to be playday.

Historically after long play sessions we are both ravenous and it had been a while since we’d had a really nice meal at home so this seemed like a great time to do that. He went to the store to get ribeye, mushrooms , potatoes and craft beer while I made the play space ready and picked out the things I wanted him to wear. We lounged around for a little while , I got the potatoes started slow roasting and the bread dough made and  then got started. At this point I am not even going to bother trying to hold a timeline.

It was my intent to start slow. It had been so long since he’s had a good beating we both expected he was going to need a much longer warm up. We were both wrong. Though in retrospect, I wonder if I have just scarred his ass so much now that he can’t feel as much as he once did. I do recall tapping him with the cane and him saying “Hey, I thought we were going to start slow” I expect it was half joking if anything.

He spent about 7 hours total bound in assorted positions and while I am fond of them all I certainly walked away with a favorite. He was on his stomach, with a rope tied to the ring in the back of his hood that ran to the chain between his ankles and ended on his balls. Nothing was tied off so that meant he had to keep his head back and knees bent to avoid too much ball pulling. Later I added an additional restraint to pull his ankles to the sides of the bed as much as the chain would allow. I think next time that will be better on his thighs though.

Typically when we have longer play sessions like this, I wander off a fair bit leaving him bound. I do things like check on dinner, have a smoke, get a glass of wine and refill whatever I am keeping him  hydrated with at the time. I hardly wandered off at all this time. We played a fair bit before a dinner break and then played again after and he had the entirety of my attention though all of it.

I keep scissors in the bedside table for the times I am using rope. Safety first and all. On a whim I had decided to use them on him as a blade. I had done this only once before ( that was also on a whim) and he enjoyed it. He has asked me if it was a knife or scissors and I refused to tell him, mostly because it was fun not to do so. Then he says ” I think its a knife. Its a knife”  but said so in a nearly giddy tone that had me laughing.

There is so much more I could write about here but I will close with saying this. He never fails to impress me. I am so very proud of him.